Randomly, i will find myself thinking about how things would have been had certain events in my life not transpired. Would I be who I am now? Like what I like now? Work where I work now?
Example: Had my friends parents not gotten divorced, I would not have moved out to where I attended higschool, said friend would not have worked where she worked, met who she met, through whom I met my Husband. Now, through a series of terribly unfortunate events, I do not see or speak to that friend anymore (and most days my heart aches wishing that this was not so). So it leads me to wonder, was she put in my life for the sole purpose of leading me, through a web of events, to meeting Caleb? Had i never met her, would I have met him?
Interesting, no?
Here's another for you:
As i stated previously, I have struggled with the fact that I did not go, even after being accepted, to art school. Yet here I am, 6 years later, a paid artist. How did that happen? ZERO professional art training. EVER. Not even a lick of it. Had I not chickened out, would I have gone, and stayed in San Francisco and gone down a completely different path?
Im sure i am not the only one who finds these things bizarre. BUTTTTTT I do know that my Loving Father knows the desires of his little (seemingly undeserving) children and that all the steps are ordered, and that everything happens for a reason. Not to confuse "God's will" with "free will", the two are quite different, and sometimes we choose things AGAINST his will, and are left to learn our way out of them, or learn how to live with them.And believe me, I have had my fair share of rebellion. All this to say, I am so thankful for everything that i have. For the events that have unfolded to make "my life." For all of the missed opportunities and lost friendships, I have grown to accept the fact, that even though some things we may regret, LIFE is everchanging. We must accept the things that are thrown our way, we must embrace what we DO have, and lovingly remember the things and people we have lost. I am moving forward, letting Yesterday's Ghost fly away from my memories.
My job, my husband, my friends...I know that there are so many things in my life that i take for granted everyday, that we ALL take for granted everyday. And I don't want to. I don't want that. I want to appreciate them and never forget that things happen for a reason. This is my lot. Even when I am face down, hands up, heart shattered, I.am.blessed. I.am.LOVED. I.am.THANKFUL.
Your writing style is just beautiful :) I love reading your posts.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend ask me once if I regretted a certain past relationship, and I said no, because even though it was a stupid choice, it was a choice that led to a lot of other choices, which eventually led to Scott. I honestly don't really have any regrets about the choices I made, because if I hadn't made them, my life would have gone down a completely different path & I might not have my sweet little family.
Great post Kimi. Enjoyed following you on IG, sure your blog will be just as interesting.
ReplyDeleteI've had a similar internal dialogue in my head about the chain of events and the subsequent ripple effect. It is mind boggling to think "what if"
Thank you so much Ali, I love hearing your feedback and little personal stories. I agree, everything that happens leads to where we are now. I wouldn't regret a thing.
ReplyDeleteDr.Keenan, I appreciate your kind words! Let's see if i can keep this blogging thing up! I'm trying to find other blogs to follow that will keep me coming back to work on mine. Some inspiration! I hope i don't disappoint. Thank you for following :)